May has begun and...
It took the wind out of all of us.
It is officially the middle of the year, it is officially the month I turn 25, and officially, two days ago, a cousin of mine passed away. Don't worry too much about me, we weren't immensely close. He and his dad died in a boating accident. His mom and dad used to take care of me and my brother when we were in school. And he was so close with my dad, they worked together all the time, he wasn't even 40 yet, and yet, there we were, in his wake.
We were talking about them just a couple of hours before we found out, which felt insane, and I feel immensely for his wife, his mom and his sister. This is a terrible loss for them, he was so full of life.
Don't mind my tone, as I said, I'm ok. This time of the year always gets me reflective, it feels the year is really underway and I'm about to be a year older, so I get sappy too.
This month two pieces of media impacted me a lot, that sounds pretentious, but they occupied my mind. earlier this month I finished the Neapolitan novels by Elena Ferrante and it left in me an emptiness I hadn't felt since I finished Harry Potter when I was 13.
I also finished My So-Called Life. I became interested in Clare Danes' acting after watching Romeo + Juliet, plus I'm really in a 90s phase overall (nothing like a decade I didn't live) and I went into it knowing it got cancelled after one season, but still I struggled to let go of it, I took my time with the last episodes and god, the potential for another season was right there.
I related a lot of Angela, though I'm no longer a teenager. How she takes things at her own rhythm, how she rebels but still appreciates her family environment. The parents are brilliantly portrayed, how despite still being supportive of each other and working together as a unit, you still can see the issues in their marriage since the beginning.
How nothing is perfect yet it remains ok most of the time. I think it would've helped me a lot to watch this at 15.
Regarding the novels, I always hesitate to say "everyone should read this" because in a way, it applies to nothing and everything. But Elena's writing and portrayal of real situations, real thoughts, through the perspective of women of all ages, is incredible. It has everything, the good, the bad and the ugly parts of life, it is so specific to their place and time, and also it is timeless, it shows you the woman you have been, the one you wish to be, the one you fear becoming. And in a way it feels I'm telling you a bunch of nothing. Maybe you'll read it and think Lenù is obsessive or annoying, maybe you'll think it's boring, what do I know, all I know is I've never felt more acknowledged in my way of being, so I felt involved.
It feels like the end of the month brings the end of my connection with these things, they were the landscape of my imagination for the past month, so I feel a little out of it now.
I don't have a lot of joy this week, I just bring you my life, but for a little happiness I'll tell you I've loved listening to my new CDs, so I've had a week filled with The Cure and Mahler's Symphony N°5. Also let me show you the home made pizza I made on Sunday:
Thank you if you read it all, this week was personal, I hope to find some new things to occupy my mind this month, when I do, I'll let you know.
Goodbye and see you!